Frida's Notebook

Five things making me smile these days

Foxton Fizz bottles at Deluxe Cafe

I've done plenty of crying in the past few days. But there have been moments of joy and goodness too. Here are five things that have made me smile.

1. Taking blogger Katie and her friend Sandra on a tour of my favorite cafes of Wellington on Tuesday. We started out at Deluxe for a late breakfast (above) and then after I showed them Wellington's wild south coast beaches we stopped at the Maranui Cafe in Lyall Bay for coffee and cake. Maranui Cafe is housed in the old Maranui Surf Lifesaving club building and has an amazing view over Lyall Bay beach where there is always some brave soul out surfing, wind surfing or kite surfing. I love the surf club inspired decor, the vegan cupcakes (see below) and the outlook onto the coast.

Maranui (Surf Lifesaving Club) Cafe

2. This vegan chocolate raspberry cupcake at Maranui. No animals were harmed in the making of this treat. How can it be anything but good?

Vegan Chocolate Raspberry Cupcake at Maranui Cafe

3. Hanging out with my little friend Tom on Monday. We went to the beach, messed about in the sand and made friends at the playground. Knowing that his mum was enjoying her time alone as much as I was enjoying my time with Tom made me smile even more.

4. A monarch butterfly chrysalis sitting on my desk. It was a gift from a lovely friend who last year returned to New Zealand after surviving the bombing of Lebanon with her two little boys while her husband was working for UNFIL. She understands better than most people the emotional rollercoaster I'm riding these days and chose this thoughtful, magical gift. She assures me that the a butterfly will emerge safely even under my inexperienced care.

And last but very definitely not least...

Wellington International Ukulele Orchestra at Te Papa, 16.02.08

5. The Wellington International Ukulele Orchestra. On Saturday after I'd had a good long cry about Mr B and a quiet, introspective afternoon my fabulous ukulele-playing housemate swung in from out of town and so I put on my high heels and lipstick and headed out to see the Wellington International Ukulele Orchestra play again. By golly can they cheer a girl up.

Now, stop whatever you are doing and watch this. I guarantee a smile.

After the gig Gemma had the band back to our place so I spent Saturday night sitting on my couch with a glass of red wine listening to them play and sing their way through their songbooks into the wee hours. It was therapy for the soul.

Megan and WIUO guest Amanda at Te Papa

These things are making me smile.

Five things that are making me smile today

1. The High Commissioner for Human Rights, Louise Arbour, was in Afghanistan this past weekend and I got to attend two meetings with her. The first was a meeting with women from families of victims of human rights abuses and violations during the past decaddes of war in Afghanistan. Women who have come together despite their differences to raise their voices in pursuit of justice. The subject of transitional justice, or lack of it, has been one that I have found incredibly disappointing. On Friday, though, both courage of these women and the wisdom and experience of Ms Arbour gave me new hope. More than anything else, this meeting made me smile.

2. Yesterday was my nephew's third birthday party and a large chunk of the party was spent chasing a small group of sheep who had escaped from their paddock - my sister's email about their sheep chasing adventures (involving my parents, sister and brother-in-law and the kids) made me smile.

3. An email from a beautiful Mermaid is making me smile.

4. Listening to great Kiwi music is always making me smile.

5. Photos (like the one below) from my holiday in California are making me smile.

Me, Denise, Christine and Susannah taken in Santa Monica, by Susannah, the master of the arm's length selp portrait

PS: Happy Birthday Gorgeous!!

A time for talking

I've been in Kabul for almost a week and I have talked so much I think that a little part of me (the little part that had grown quite accustomed to my hermit's life in Ghor) is in shock. But other parts of me feel vibrantly alive in a way I haven't for weeks.

That seems to me to be part of the beautiful paradox and the delicate balance of life. A life of solitude brings parts of us to life. In me, solitude generates a particular creativity and thoughfulness which is essential to rich inner life. On the other hand the company of fascinating, loving, funny people also feeds my inner as well as my outer life.

This week I have shared a beer with a 59 year old geologist from New Zealand and his wife, a gorgeous woman whose warm enthusiasm for life (even life in Kabul) made me feel as though she was an old and treasured friend within an hour of meeting her.

This week I have eaten dinner with my dearest Afghan friend, a fearless feminist and human rights activist who was the reason I came to Afghanistan in the first place. Despite my absence from their home of more than four months, her 18 month old daughter seemed to recognise me and as well as playing tickle with me for most of the night she repeated my name over and over again in a delighted giggle of recognition.

This week I have sat in the sun with a soul friend who has seen me through some of the darkest day of my dark winter, and with whom I practiced yoga in a tiny room in Herat as the sun came out both literally and figuratively last summer. We turned over the material of our lives right now, the parallels and the convergances, we acknowledged how much we miss each other and we allowed each other to talk through each current question to its limits.

This week I laughed through a dinner with an Australian hardcase who grew up on a coffee plantation in Papua New Guinea and although as tough as nuts on the outside was the first person to offer me a fluffy soft towel and an extra blanket in the spare room when I arrived in Kabul dirty and looking for a room.

This week I caught up, over a glass of wine, with a woman born to American parents in Afghanistan 30 years ago. The daughter of an eye-doctor who grew up through the horrors of the civil war here and whose house was my home my first summer in Kabul. As happens every time I meet her, she revealed to me again another layer of her rich character, this time her genuine compassion for an injured cat.

This week I met a fascinating carpet dealer, a carpet guru, a man who appreciates beauty and history and who is helping people like me to understand more of the beauty of Afghanistan's cultural history - and then helping us claim a little bit to take home with us. A gentle, sophisticated, intelligent man who was infinitely patient with my desire to look at and stroke his most expensive carpets (way out of my price range).

This week I have had very little time to write in my journal, or to even sit back quietly and reflect on all these amazing people and the interesting and stimulating conversations I've had with them. But I see that these moments are to be lived to the full, the energy is to be soaked up and stored up.

There will be quiet times of solitude in the future during which the fruits of these encounters will bubble their way back up to teh surface, feeding my creative imagination in the quiets evenings in Ghor.

Things that make me smile on a bad day

Divina Graca, me and my shadow friend. Portugal, August 2007.

Things that make me smile on a day when the news is otherwise horrible in the western provinces of Afghanistan:

- a local journalist and civil society activist who came to my office today to ask me to write about peace in a book he is putting together for the people of Ghor. He already has a spontaneous poem about peace from my Afghan colleague and a message of peace from the Lithuanian Commander of the local ISAF base.

- this poem, found on the first page of a book by Anne Lamott that I found, of all places, in the recreation room of the American police mentors:

"I am not I.
I am this one
walking beside me whom I do not see,
whom at times I manage to visit,
and whom at other times I forget,
who remains calm and silent when I talk,
and forgives gently, when I hate,
who walks where I am not,
who will remain strong when I die."

Juan Ramon Jimenez

- the fact that I went for a run today. I ran around the inside of my compund ten times, it took me 15 minutes. For someone who used to go out for two hour runs without blinking it takes some effort to celebrate this. But the first rule of running (as in life) is to start where you are, not where you think you ought to be. And where I am is: out of running shape, living at altitude and with only a 1.5 minute circuit around my dusty compound as a running track. My goal is to double that over the next month so I can go for a gentle run with MJ and a serious walk with Swirly when I get Stateside next month.

Five more things that make me smile

1. This journal page sent to me by the fabulously creative and inspiring Mahima of Love is Handmade

2. Citizen of the Month - Neil doesn't just make me smile, he makes me laugh out loud. How come some people get to be funny and the rest of us get stuck with being earnest?

3. The fact that my compound buddy J and I hosted a social evening tonight - combining his great Indian cooking, my social networks, and our respective contraband alcohol stocks we managed to get eight civilian internationals along to one Thursday night dinner and drinks in Chaghcharan, Ghor. It may have been a first.

4. Confessions of a Pioneer Woman - again with the whiney "why can't I be funny like her". I grew up helping vets put their hands up cows backsides and I love this city-girl's take on life on a ranch with her very own Marlboro Man and their mini cowgirl and coyboy punks.

5. Knowing that tomorrow is Friday (my day off) and that once I get through breakfast with the Chief of Police I can spend as much time as I like curled up on the sofa with my new books AND my long-suffering colleague J has agreed to take me for a walk again tomorrow evening. I don't know why he puts up with me since I tease him about walking too slow.

Things that make me smile

Oy, this blog has been pretty serious lately. I like to come here and work through some of the complicated and heavy stuff I have on my mind. If there were more folks about in person to talk things through with that might be different, but as it is I appreciate the thoughtful comments and new connections I make here.

But I'd hate to give the impression that humanitarian/human rights work in the field is all doom and gloom and personal sacrifice. Oh no. There is a reason why we do this, why we stay here. There are moments when you really feel that you've made a positive difference and that can lift your spirits and keep you going for weeks.

At a day-to-day level, though, what really helps you survive and thrive here are all the little things that make you smile. Here are some things that made me smile today (and a few things that didn't make me smile at the time but do now that I'm looking back on them):

- sneaking a bottle of wine past the police check at the airport and feeling like a teenager sneaking booze into a rugby match again (yes - I know one reader in particular found my drinking to be an offense to my host country, but since all my Afghan colleagues ask me to buy them alcohol and tell me that they estimate only 20% of Afghan's are teetotal, I'm taking that offense with a grain of salt - plus I am very discrete - I learned that when I was a teenager).

- having the female security guard who searched my bag pull out a box of tampons and ask me what they were, the not having enough Dari to explain without some charade-style demonstrations (this one didn't make me smile at the time but now I can see the funny side).

- arriving back to Cheghcharan to a really warm welcome from my colleagues, it's a real privilege to work with people who appreciate your efforts and even your simple presence so much.

- meeting with the Governor, the Chief of Police, the Head of the Department of Economy, the Head of the Department of Rural Recovery and Development and knowing that their "Welcome Back" was genuine and that they have been taking action on some of the issues we discussed before I went to Herat.

- getting an informal performance assessment by phone and discovering after a year of flailing about and never knowing whether I was doing this job right that in fact my work is seen to be of excellent quality - I really never knew that before and boy did that make me smile (of course the ulterior motive to get me to extend my contract may have played a part, but I'm going to take this pat on the back anyway).

- discovering that my Amazon parcels have arrived at the army base in my absence and knowing that in 30 minutes I can go there and collect my loot (including new yoga DVDs, the BBC Planet Earth TV series, The Princess Bride movie and lots of lovely books)

- getting an email from a friend who was here in Ghor with me in May and who starts studying at Columbia in NYC today who told me about going for a run in Central Park, the sense of freedom was so well-described that I got a little taste of it by email.

- being back in Ghor and knowing that this means I can probably go out for a walk (got to check with security first because unfortunately there are new security incidents every day and rules can change fast).