Inspiration for those "yogi behaving badly" days

S's glowing Buddha

Another frantic week whizzes by and I find myself wondering when I forgot to stop and take time for myself. I know these things about myself. I am more productive, calmer and happier when I consecrate the first two hours of every day to my rituals: a little yoga; morning pages; coffee prepared with care and consumed with awareness; and a quick scan over my favorite bogs and any new messages in my personal inbox. Between 6.00-8.00 am I ground myself, I carve out a little space in my day to call mine and then I feel free and ready to go out and give the best of myself to the rest of the day. When I miss those two hours I start the day feeling rushed, feeling deprived of my own part of the day.

This past week, for various reasons, I have missed my morning rituals most days. I feel off kilter and on Friday I had a 'no good, really horrible, very bad day' (to use Tara's delicious phrase). On more than one occasion I was guilty of being a 'yogi behaving badly' and I had to come back and read the great Rumi poem on the subject shared by my fellow bad yogi over at Everything Yoga.

No matter how fast you run,
your shadow more than keeps up.
Sometimes, it's in front!

Only full, overhead sun
diminishes your shadow.

But that shadow has been serving you!
What hurts you, blesses you.
Darkness is your candle.
Your boundaries are your quest.

I can explain this, but it would break
the glass cover on your heart,
and there's no fixing that.

You must have shadow and light source both.
Listen, and lay your head under the tree of awe.


I had a few hot potatoes to handle this week and I was not always as calm and serene about it all as I would like to be. There were moments when I was almost panicked (during an emergency medical evacuation) and other times when I was down right pissed (when I spent two hours looking for a staff member who had simply not bothered to call me when his car broke down). So yes, my shadow self was sometimes out in front of me this week. But Rumi is right (how very gracious of me!) that shadow has been serving me and - especially - "my boundaries are my quest".

This has been and continues to be the year of letting go, and reaching my boundaries and continuing onwards even when I feel out of control is part of that process. I have had to let go of ideas of myself as always calm under pressure. I've had to let go of the restrictive grip of my own expectations.

Deep breathly and let go. Right?

This week I have found so many gems of inspiration on the blogs I read and love. They all resonate in some special way for me this week and I wanted to share them.

Firstly my outrageously smart teen friend over at Spelling Tuesday reminded me that the state of happiness is not a thoughless, passive state but one that we chose, that we grow towards as we grow in wisdom.

It seems to be a big misconception about happiness--that it is reserved for the unthinking population--that it requires no depth of thought. On the contrary, every day I notice how profound the state of happiness is, almost inexpressibly so.

Then my newest blog addiction (thanks Susannah) Delia at Lefthanded Trees dropped a little quote about inspiration into an already inspiring post about journaling and art.

Inspiration comes to us slowly and quietly and all the time, though we must regularly and every day give it a little chance to start flowing, prime it with a little solitude and idleness Brenda Euland

Just what I needed to gently nudge me back to my quiet moments each morning with my blank journal and no work to do.

Over at Andrea's Superhero journal, as if it wasn't enough to be reminded by Andrea herself that "it just takes one woman" to make a difference, I found this great Plato quote in one of the comments left on her post. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

On the subject of kindness - which I am convinced is the most important difference I can make everyday, Tara, of Paris Parfait quoted George Washington Carver:

How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.

So here I am, reminded that I can make a difference - just me, just one woman. Reminded that everyday I can make a difference by being tender, kind and compassionate. Reminded that when I fail, when my shadow self takes the lead and is a little less kind and a little too cranky, I need to cut her some slack as well. Reminded that my quiet mornings are not just indulgence, they are the time to fill the well so that I have my best shot of being kind for the rest of the day. Reminded that inspiration comes to me when I give it a little chance to start flowing.

And last, but most certainly not least, this week I was reminded that I have to be brave and take risks, to let my playful side out without worrying that anything precious will be broken by a little creative play. This came via two wonderful women - Susannah and Megg - both of whom are putting the words into practice as we speak and inspiring me to keep doing the same.

"To be creative, you must be brave and allow yourself to take risks. You must also be a little crazy. But have an appropriate degree of perspective. Reassure yourself that by doing a watercolour or throwing a pot you won't set off some chain reaction that destroys your entire universe." ~ Danny Gregory, via Megg and Susannah

Comments

[Swirly]

Great bits of wisdom from all over...now go enjoy your coffee. :)

[sassy]

Yeah, behaviour isn't always the best reflection of the heart, but it is the manner through which we communicate it, eh? Don't be so hard on yourself, Frida, what you are doing is simply amazing, honestly. (Please excuse te unsolicited advice.) (;

[Paris Parfait]

That Rumi quote is a great one and one I needed to hear today. Thanks for the nod, too, but that was just me quoting others! Glad you're feeling a bit better - and yes, the playful side needs to be let out; without a bit of fun and laughter, some days can be just too difficult to handle. xo

[Delia]

I have had SO many of the days you speak of lately, and know exactly what you mean! {I'm also quite happy our sweet Sus led you my way...}
Love,
D.

[susanna]

I enjoyed reading this post, Frida. And you've found some pretty inspiring bloggers out there. I'm going to read their posts, too...

[Jeni]

Your post was just what I needed to read. (I just posted something akin to this on my blog today.) Thank you! You are so right that we have to fill the well so that we can keep drawing from it. Easy to say, difficult to practice perfectly. The poem was amazing and I can't wait to check out all those links.
Namaste'

[Moroccanmaryam]

Dear Frida,
I watched the new CNN special, beyond the veil (?) and thought of you. I handled old embroideries from Afghanistan in Cairo and thought of you.

xo
Maryam

[cath]

ahhh... just what i needed. thanks for the inspiration. and the continued reminder to be gentle with myself. i have certainly be finding that one way to move past 'negative' emotions is simply to accept them. sit with them. and, yes, 'let go'.

[Laini]

A lot of great quotes, and great lessons, and I love your Portugal pics! I totally agree about having a few hours in the morning for centering oneself -- so important. Also, from the Brenda Ueland quote about the need for some idleness. I can't stress enough the importance of daydreaming! And here's a great Spanish proverb: "How wondeful to do nothing and then rest afterward!"

Cheers!

[ceanandjen]

This was so perfect to read today...really any day in the last week...as I understand the shadow before you and the not feeling quite right. Sometimes when we just stop, if even for a small amount of time and allow ourselves to be reminded of the good and the perspective, it helps monumentally. xoxo

[HiK]

I agree with you regarding 'filling the well'. It took me a long time to learn this and I still forget, but it's so true.

[bethanyzylstra]

yes, time for ones-self, or taking care of ones-self is vitally important-- a lesson that has taken me long to realize and now I need to make sure to put it in practice at this time in my life! there are floods in northern and eastern Uganda and I imagine if I were working right now what I'd be up to, and am grateful I have this time to collect myself and make my spaces here before incorporating work into it all... though my heart wants to jump up and start planning some help! thanks for your thoughts, Frida. i think i am getting stronger, but it will be a journey! thanks for your posts too!!

[Possessing Joy]

Heck Frida

[yoga schools]

Yet another inspiring post that warms and refreshes my heart.Thank you.